I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
