How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
