I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like eating out sand paper
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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