he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize