You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
