I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
