You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
