You smell like stripper and shame
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
