I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
