see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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