You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
