Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
