yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
