Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
