3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
