kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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