Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
