I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
