I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
