some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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