Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
