Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
