dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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