Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
