Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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