theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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