I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
