You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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