dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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