So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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