I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
