sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
