I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
