We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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