we're blogging at a bar
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
