Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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