She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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