god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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