My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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