i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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