Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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