4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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