i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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