Pants 0. Shit 1.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
