Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize