why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
