remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....