girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.