Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2529) Bad night (514)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

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  (812): he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway. http://tfl.nu/rhuh
  Replies (13) Good night (574) Bad night (2079)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

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  (540): just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/k011
  Replies (34) Good night (7583) Bad night (919)
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  (707): View more from California

  I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

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  (707): I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already http://tfl.nu/x0ls
  Replies (10) Good night (4303) Bad night (1120)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts

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  (801): The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts http://tfl.nu/uckw
  Replies (10) Good night (1154) Bad night (3049)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4344) Bad night (750)
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  (619): View more from California

  definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius

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  (619): definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius http://tfl.nu/ay4s
  Replies (25) Good night (2884) Bad night (840)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

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  (440): I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body http://tfl.nu/gs9m
  Replies (7) Good night (1392) Bad night (407)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

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  (719): Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming. http://tfl.nu/flfj
  Replies (5) Good night (1457) Bad night (395)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When / where did the additional couches appear?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Additional?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.

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  (908): When / where did the additional couches appear? (732): Additional? (908): James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up. http://tfl.nu/kn0g
  Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (318)
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  (951): View more from California

  I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.

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  (951): I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays. http://tfl.nu/owjt
  Replies (0) Good night (239) Bad night (660)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?

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  (412): Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf? http://tfl.nu/41qm
  Replies (15) Good night (872) Bad night (577)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.

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  (678): For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute. http://tfl.nu/6j0u
  Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (263)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING

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  (401): I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING http://tfl.nu/z6d9
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (205)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.

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  (563): I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/vvi6
  Replies (9) Good night (396) Bad night (238)

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