Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah...you probably will...

  (248): View more from Michigan

  well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.

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  (248): Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me. (248): I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it (734): Yeah...you probably will... (248): well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year. http://tfl.nu/3k5k
  Replies (4) Good night (953) Bad night (1303)
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  (415): View more from California

  we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one

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  (415): we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one http://tfl.nu/7sll
  Replies (16) Good night (1004) Bad night (577)
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  (510): View more from California

  The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.

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  (510): The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door. http://tfl.nu/oawg
  Replies (13) Good night (1387) Bad night (2608)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.

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  (858): I've rolled joints bigger than that penis. http://tfl.nu/pgx0
  Replies (29) Good night (879) Bad night (4652)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?

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  (570): is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs? http://tfl.nu/dpsw
  Replies (21) Good night (4343) Bad night (863)
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  (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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  (909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar. http://tfl.nu/5kvp
  Replies (9) Good night (7552) Bad night (1007)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

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  (513): Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol http://tfl.nu/0mrj
  Replies (2) Good night (2722) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?

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  (250): Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila? http://tfl.nu/i07w
  Replies (7) Good night (1839) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

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  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4371) Bad night (941)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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  (403): Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours http://tfl.nu/wscg
  Replies (9) Good night (1429) Bad night (690)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...

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  (404): STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing... http://tfl.nu/ooo5
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over

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  (386): I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over http://tfl.nu/gegy
  Replies (3) Good night (1034) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're my favorite person

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  (913): I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that. (1-913): You're my favorite person http://tfl.nu/9772
  Replies (7) Good night (1217) Bad night (513)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'

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  (902): they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway' http://tfl.nu/m8pz
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (219)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us

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  (608): Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us http://tfl.nu/mqe2
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (209)

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