so explain again why im purple
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dating After Heartbreak
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions