Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
