Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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