In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
