I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
