how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
