I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
