I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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