There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
