It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
