my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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