A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
