Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
