Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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