listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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