Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
