no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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