did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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