we're blogging at a bar
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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