Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
