When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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