He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
