so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
