As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
