there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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