I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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