Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
