Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
