I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
