when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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