i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
