Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
